this one's gonna bruise

'This one's gonna bruise' is a turn of phrase that sounds positively titillating. The weight behind it propels it into a dive of melancholia, while remaining elegantly ambiguous and sparse.

Be prepared to be disappointed, as I've not anything remotely intelligent to match the title. I just gave myself a Clexane injection (a blood thinner for the blood clot in my sub-clavian and axillary) and I hit a nerve. So yep - this one's gonna bruise.

I have around four injections a day - three that are insulin and that I rarely feel because the needles are the smallest possible gauge one could wish for, but the Clexane injections aren't pleasant. It's far from the worst thing in the world where the gauge of the needle is too thick, but the killer is that they're effectively blunt.

That's right. It's like Sanofi Aventis have purposely scratched the needles down a concrete wall before they're packaged. I give myself my flu-vax every year, and sometimes I have to have a couple of jabs before it pierces my skin because they're blunt, too. Flu-vax needles can tickle because the contents of the syringe are quite syrupy. The worst? Vitamin K injections. When I used to have lung bleeds where I'd cough up cups of blood, I'd be practically dying in my hospital bed chanting, 'no vitamin k injections - they fucking kill. Oh, hang on, I just coughed up a blood clot the size of Somalia, and no, I still don't want it.'

I remember having a minor lung bleed in grade twelve and that night I was supposed to be on stage for one of the principal singing roles (I played a prostitute in 'Bugsy Malone'. I wore suspenders. It was liberating). I started 'spittin' blood' a la Kylie Mole around lunchtime, so Mum took me to the Royal Kid's where I had a vitamin k shot, and I was on stage that night singing my heart out and showing the nuns in the front row (and the conductor who nearly had a stroke) what I had had for breakfast. It was fun. As I said, I got to wear suspenders and had free reign to be a total moll, but I digress ...

Clearly, Sanofi Aventis have a vendetta against all who live by the needle, so I am going to give them a spray, to tell them their needles are inferior and that my belly has been violated for long enough.